Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Inspiration, they say is like a storm, it can strike you anytime.
And, from a person who hasn't seen an ounce of what might just be the "I" of inspiration, I started being complacent.
Days went by, and before I knew,it it was a year already, and still no inspiration.
Maybe it was because I was looking to hard, but who am I kidding, I hardly did anything more than eating, sleeping and watching videos.
K-pop videos, to be more specific, and what was worse was the ultimate sense of hopelessness where I looked at those talented male idols and even decided that I might just go to Korea, and work for one of those ginormous entertainment companies.Well, it still doesn't seem like a bad job, except that I'd have to get knocked on the head, since I would probably just fall down drunk somewhere, ten years later after having a (or probably more) mental breakdown(s).
I really need to stop rambling.
On a really busy Tuesday night, my teacher called me to tell me about this Scottish exchange program for Journalism students under or who are 18.We had to write a piece on "Who is your inspiration?", and then submit it, following which two students from all over the country will be taken to Scotland for a Journalism Training Workshop.And the deadline was on Wednesday, at 10 AM.

First thought in my head?
"I don't even like Journalism. But, it's Europe, and it's for two weeks. I'll take it."

I came back home, and sat in front of a newly-opened word document with these words on top:

It isn't exaggeration when I say I was sitting mum and blank for almost an hour, swirling the crevices in my brain, looking for one person that was my role-model or motivated me.
Maybe you realize that your dreams are just yours.
Now, this isn't me saying my parents, family and friends are horrible,not at all, they're amazing (And if you're reading this, good for me.). There have been dozens of celebrities I've drooled over, fantasized about and also, literally, dreamed of marrying, but that's not the point.If I took an average from this list, the selection committee would probably walk away because of how superficial I am, and so my next guess was authors and characters from books.Not that I don't have favorite characters, but Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham aren't really "Inspiration'.
I thought of my favorite authors, entrepreneurs, singers and finally gave up, I couldn't find one person that I could confidently point at and say "You,Right there, I'm doing this because of you".
And that's when it all made sense.I shouldn't need that,A person I constantly look upto and say "Why?How?What?" and lead my life like that.I can't be another person, I can appreciate them, congratulate them and even love them, but I just can't draw a parallel.There are too many things I want to see, and do, and be, and it's just not in one person or thing.

And I realized that was kind of, denial, maybe?
And this sort of haunted me the next few days, and I didn't turn the essay in.I didn't have anything to write about, and what's writing but a reflection of your belief atleast in part?

I asked around, looked around and a lot of people have role-models, and most of them are actually set on becoming like them.
That made me ask if people looked onto role models to become something they dream of?That's it, right there.
The word Dream.
So what does not having a role-model mean?No dreams?Nothing to look forward to?Or is it, that no one's moved me that much, and does this make me crabby and self-absorbed?
Or is it, that you don't need one for people to relate to what you see, believe and want to do?

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